There is a haze that sneaks into the comfort of my mind. Changing everything I thought was right. Creeps in daily, and stays through the night. There is this haze that I cannot shake from my mind.
I believe myself to be a very in-tune person always very aware. I pride myself on my ability to see a situation for what it is, understand what could be but accept only the present. Only plan on what is. Not what has been. Not what could be. What is. Lately I lost sight of this. Everything I built daily ideas around were wrong. Somewhere I lost my awareness. Somewhere I forgot how to accept only what is. I neglected the truths for so long that now the day I face it all, I fear that all I know from these passed couple of months needs to be dismissed. I feel very alone and foolish. I wasted energy and valuable effort on things that if I had take a second to listen to myself I would not have missed. Opportunities for something real were given to me organically. I could not have asked the universe for anything better. Seeing that when you were in front of my face is something I wish I could have seen. I am so angry with myself for letting you go because I was washed up in the ideas I got so very wrong. So wrong it makes me sick. I can’t change anything. I am only writing this to reflect. In hopes that it won’t ever happen again. I don’t want to fee like I do now ever again. When I say that to myself, I make a promise, and these promises I keep.